you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
