there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
