I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
