I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
