i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
