can we get nightvision for the apartment?
are you so shy because you have an std?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
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