there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
