so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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