I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
How external is "for external use only"?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
