My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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