It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
