what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
