Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
