whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
