They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
