Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
