I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
