And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
