drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
