You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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