I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
