a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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