Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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