Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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