my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
