i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
