I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
