Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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