guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
