I can't watch pbs sober anymore
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
