in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
