I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
