walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
