Can Purell be used as lube?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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