youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
