hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
