thus making me awesome and them whores
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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