Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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