I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
