even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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