GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
