I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
