It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
