I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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