do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
