Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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