No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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