when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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