he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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