Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
